Pulling Yourself from a Rut
OK, I see the irony of making writing the post following the ‘low motivation may be a gift’ post, but, alas, here I am drowning in the “downtime” of my own destructive creation.
Backstory
I recently got distracted briefly from the business with an unexpected job opportunity that I didn’t expect to want long-term, but ended up overly attached to it…and then not getting the job.
I had just been working on my biggest contract to date, on a roll with leads, and regularly coaching a few clients (though I’d like more) when this job came up. After the first interview, I knew I wanted it - I was excited about the work and the people, and I really felt I could make a positive impact in the role.
So, I put everything I had into it - time, energy, hope, etc. - and even reached out to friends, former colleagues, and industry contacts for letters of support. Asking for help has always been hard for me, rooted in an outdated belief that independence is equivalent to competence.
Current State
When I didn’t get the job, I was incredibly disappointed, frustrated, and even a little ashamed, if I’m being honest.
I have been stuck ever since - having a hard time focusing on my work, struggling to ‘put myself out there’ to drum up new business or post on socials, deep-diving into avoidance via games, audiobooks, household/personal duties, and more.
I’m not only avoiding the activities, but I know that to return to a reasonable level of productivity, I will also need to face the emotions and stale maxims holding me back. Mainly:
While I didn’t get the job, it was not because I was lacking - I was extremely qualified for it and did a great job through the process*.
Nobody that matters will be judging me harshly for not getting the job, least of all the people who supported me with letters of recommendation. They already believed in me, and they still will.
Facing my insecurities and processing my emotions will actually make me a better person, family member, consultant, and coach. Hiding in novels and puzzle games will not.
Although I’m struggling, I’m also doing/have done big things: asking for help/support; maintaining my fitness and outdoor routines, executing other types of work (we are currently setting up part of our home as an AirBnB), among other things.
Embracing those accomplishments and remembering all the kind words in those letters of recommendation can help me be proud of myself, my abilities, and my reputation.
So…now what?!
How does one ‘face insecurities’ and ‘process emotions’ effectively? Especially when the temptations and distractions are all around us - at home, on our computers, our phones - with us every minute of nearly every day.
Here is what I know I need, and what I’m committing to focusing on:
Remove or Limit Vices: For me, this means using media - games, socials, even audiobooks - as a reward that comes after my commitments vs. something that is always on/available. I’m not going to lie to you. This can and will be incredibly hard.
Tools: Setting physical boundaries (like leaving your phone in another room or dumping/removing all the alcohol), deleting harmful apps, going to a new location when you need to focus, and employing tech (like time-limiting apps) can be incredibly helpful. Also see #3.
Mindset Mantras: When I’m slumping this deep, I need regular reminders of my ‘why’ in order to motivate me to get out of bed, commit to the boundaries I’ve set, and reach my moment-to-moment goals.
Tools: Compose one or more simple phrases that remind you of what you are working for or what you are trying to keep in mind. Write it down and post it somewhere prominent, have your phone remind you on a schedule or at a set time, or even make it the focus of a regular meditation.
Ask for Help: This can take many forms. For me this time, I’ll be sharing my goals and intentions with my partner and my son and asking them to remind me and encourage me when I need it.
Tools: Like me, you can request assistance from those closest to you, like friends, family, and/or co-workers. If that isn’t possible or helpful, look to a trusted professional - a coach, mentor, or therapist.
Celebrate Progress, Forgive Missteps: For many, digging out of a rut is a two steps forward, one step back process. You will make mistakes. I will make mistakes. We will also make progress. Acknowledging both will help you keep the trajectory going forward.
Tools: Consider a progress or habit tracker - digitally or on paper - that will show the longer-term/big picture success. Plan a reward for when you hit a certain benchmark or milestone. When you make a misstep, note that, too, and try to see what got in your way so that you can better avoid it going forward.
Build Momentum: Growth takes time, so I can’t expect to be at 100% quickly. I have a deadline coming up, so I am going to try to build focus stamina each day to get me to that.
Tools: Take one step and one day, shift or hour at a time, and start with one area. For example, if you know you need better sleep habits, to drink less, and to better manage your time during the workday, pick one that will have the most impact and start there. Once you get consistent - even if small steps - with that area, you can move on to the next - not forgetting to celebrate along the way.
